Elusive Happiness
by maknae.roli
Summary: After the harsh battles of the war, Kira has become a hollow shell where laughter and happiness once came freely. When he loses contact with his dear friends, Athrun comes to find him and they embark on a journey of healing and of mourning.


He was happy once.

It was an exhilarating feeling; he could remember the rush of laughter bubbling forth from between his lips. He could remember the stretch of his muscles as his face happily spun into a smile, a light that would easily reach his eyes and that would make the world seem a little brighter, feel a little bit better.

Those days, however, were gone. Just like the lives of so many people, just like the normality that so many took for granted before the war had begun.

When the clutch of circumstance compelled him to fight for a cause, Kira did – he yearned to protect the many people who meant the world to him. They joined him, and while it was difficult, they were able to still laugh, and they were able to take solace in the presence of each other. To be able to see his friends before launching into the line of duty helped Kira wield the mobile suit weapon with such strength.

War is an abhorrent creature, truly. It snatches from so many their one chance at living, their chance of watching their child grow happily, their chance of knowing the simple stresses of life and of the world itself.

Kira had just barely gotten a taste of teenage life. Though, he should consider himself lucky.

Tolle, his dear friend, was taken from him and from the world far too early. What made it worse was his childhood friend was the foe who so awfully ended the life of another human being.

He shuddered, and he supposed his childhood friend felt the same about him. In a war, one must kill in order to survive another day. Kira had killed a friend, and he was certain he killed more. He ended the lives of fathers, husbands, sons, uncles, dear friends – so many people lost their lives.

Athrun Zala, his childhood friend, had come to terms with the violence they endured and unleashed in a different manner than Kira. He had poured himself into work, yearning to bring the world to a simple peace, to remind the population of the horrors that war can bring on.

Kira was certain he would be able to join his childhood friend in that goal, but at this moment, it seemed a bleak idea.

Once the war had ended and the two sides had signed treaties of peace, Kira retreated to one of the PLANTs, where a home would be set up for him. There, he would stay in that home, alone with merely his thoughts for company.

The thoughts would eat him alive.

Sleep always seemed to elude him. There were many distressing nights where Kira would do naught but toss and turn, and sleep would never come before the soft light of the sun would peek through the drapes surrounding his windows.

Some nights, he would be able to escape into the world of sleep. However, it would not be for long. Faces and image would disturb his dreams.

He would see the masked man Rau Le Creuset, his lips contorted in a twisted smirk as he would hurt someone he truly cared for. Most of the time, these people were already dead – Tolle, Flay, Mu, so many faceless civilians that died during their battles. Then, the faces would contort, painted in blood, and Kira would look down at his hands, which would be covered in the substance as well.

This would be when Kira would wake up, jolting upwards from his bed, panting loudly, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. There would be no more sleep that night, and the face of the ZAFT commander would haunt him even with his eyes wide open.

In order to stay alive, Kira worked at a simple store only a few blocks from his place of residence. He would greet the people coming in with a smile that never quite touched his eyes, and return back to his home, where the nightmares would begin again.

It was another long night, and Kira lay entirely still upon his bed, staring mindlessly up at the ceiling. He had been awoken by another dream, this time involving the explosion that had ended Flay's life. After it had exploded, Kira had looked down, and something only from horror movies had been staring back at him, and it startled him back into the world.

Hence another day would begin, where he would be tormented by the sounds of the living and the spirits of the dead.

Athrun walked the hallways of Cagalli's lavish home. He had followed her after the war and they had settled down together, working hard to try to return to the normal lifestyle they once took for granted.

It was difficult. Athrun would dream of the carnage he witnessed; Cagalli would wake up screaming for her father, for a man that would no longer answer her calls. They were both in immense pain spiritually, emotionally, mentally.

Soon, they had come to a nightly routine that would seem scandalous to many, but to them, it was just enough to soothe them down into sleep. They would sleep in the same bed, holding onto each other tightly, and drift off into the world of dreams clinging onto each other's arms. There was no kissing or fraternizing of the sort; this had simply become a survival mechanism. It would be just enough for them to sleep and to face the world in the morning.

It had been several months since the end of the war, and Cagalli had called a meeting between him and Lacus Clyne, a girl that Kira seemed to adore so deeply.

This meeting was just between the three of them, sitting silently in a room, not daring to look at each other in the eye, until Cagalli spoke.

"I'm worried about Kira," she said, her voice shaking just slightly. Athrun looked up and watched as her jaw tensed, and she clenched her fists tightly.

Lacus spoke next, her melodious voice filling the room with sound, "I agree, I am worried too. He hasn't contacted us in so long."

How long had it been? Athrun thought back to the last time Kira had spoken with them. It hadn't been a long conversation; it transpired over several minutes, no more than ten. He simply asked how everyone was doing, they responded, and he hung up.

Athrun realized that had been close to two months previously.

What had happened to his childhood friend? When they were growing up, Kira was always the happier of the two. Sure, Kira would cry easily and would be teased more often, but when Kira would smile, the entire world seemed to change its shade.

Everyone had fallen for his charm the very moment a smile had graced his face.

War took such a terrible toll upon anyone who witnessed or took part in it. Athrun was certain that was the reason for Kira's absence.

"I'll go talk to him," Athrun said, and the two women turned to look at him.

Cagalli had protested at first, saying, "We need you here." Athrun knew what she had meant – she needed him there, she needed him there to thwart the night terrors that constantly plagued her.

It was not as if Athrun didn't need her either; it was quite the opposite. He was worried about his nightmares while he was away, but he was more worried for the well-being of his dear friend.

"He has to go, Cagalli," Lacus said quietly. "If anyone can try to help him, it would be Athrun. They're very close."

"What about you?" Cagalli snapped back, her voice full of unwarranted venom. "He's extremely close to you as well. Shouldn't it be you?"

"If that were the case, you would go as well. You're his twin sister."

Cagalli did not reply, and Lacus continued, "Athrun, will you please go to Kira and see if he's all right? If you can, see if you can bring him here as well."

Athrun nodded, and Cagalli began to explain how to get to Kira's home, her voice shaking just slightly. Of course she would be scared to stay in their home alone. With all they had experienced, it should come as no surprise.

However, this was something Athrun had to do. If he did not, he feared for Kira's life. He worried that his dear friend would do something to endanger his life and end it so very prematurely. That was something he couldn't have happen.

Shortly after their meeting ended, Athrun boarded a shuttle to a nearby PLANT, where Kira resided. He sat near the window, and watched the stars shift as the shuttle moved through the space to their next location.

It was miraculous, honestly. To be alive and to be healthy in a world once plagued by a horrific war was nothing short of a miracle. Though their minds were not always their healthiest, what with the nightmares that plagued them so constantly, but to be whole and alive was the miracle.

No one could make it out of a war wholly unscathed.

When they arrived at the PLANT, Athrun disembarked. Kira's home was not too far from the port, Lacus had said. He began to walk until he came upon a rather small home. The lights were off, but Athrun could faintly hear the sound of a person shuffling through the house, perhaps making food or walking into the living room for something.

At this moment, Athrun grew hesitant. Should he knock on the door, and perhaps cruelly remind Kira of the atrocities he experienced in the war? Perhaps he was already living them every day, and he would not be a reminder in the slightest.

Or, Athrun thought hopelessly, what if Kira had left this world, and a stranger now inhabited the home thought to belong to his friend?

Now Athrun gathered up the courage and walked up to the front door, rapping on it three times with his closed fist.

He could hear someone inside moving to open the door, and he heard the clicking noise of several locks opening, and then the door flew open.

Athrun's eyes widened; it was something he could not help.

"Kira?"


End file.
